Each year on my birthday, I write a post acknowledging what I've accomplished in the past 365 days with relation to motherhood, being a wife, working towards IBCLC, and self acceptance. I've gone through more changes in the past year than many go through in several years and those changes have left me reeling. On top of new baby in a new city with a new job, I dealt (and am still dealing with) with postpartum depression and anxiety.

Image from Flickr/Otama

  • Motherhood, Wifedom, and Family: After a very difficult year adjusting to my new role as a stay at home mom, I'm starting to enjoy my new role. I am thankful to be home to watch Rohan grow. I'm still working on being a gentle and patient parent, but aren't we all? I'm very thankful for my husband's unflinching support and his uncanny ability to know me better than I know myself.
  • Body acceptance: I lost a lot of weight while pregnant on bed rest, but I lost most of my muscle as well. I've been building it back slowly. The mirror and I still aren't friends on some days, but I feel stronger than I have in a long time. This body has grown and nurtured two strong little boys and it is amazing.
  • Self acceptance: This is where I feel like I have made a lot of progress, thanks to therapy. Postpartum depression and anxiety turned me into someone I didn't know. I yelled all the time and felt angry and sad all at once. Everyone around me walked on eggshells, afraid I would snap if they did something I didn't like. I didn't want my children to remember me as the mother who yelled a lot. I've come to realize that I am not a super hero. I'm a mom trying to make it from one day to the next while doing what's best for her family. Self care has helped me recharge my batteries and I am a better wife and mom for it.
  • IBCLC: I'm still on track to sit for the exam in 2016. I'll find out soon whether I got into the pathway 2 class I still need.

33 was one of the hardest years of my life.  I've come a long way from where I was less than a year ago. While there are some days when I don't want to get out of bed, I enjoy being home with my children. We are laying down roots in our new city. I am making friends. I am finally feeling like myself for the first time in ages. I'm thankful for a new year and a fresh start. I sincerely hope the next year brings me more happiness, more friends, and a greater sense of self.