I'm Not Okay and That's Okay

A late night text conversation with a friend about adjusting to life with two children led to talk about how we feel about ourselves as wives, mothers, and women. She remarked that scrolling through our Facebook feed made her feel as if her life was the only one that was complicated. She is absolutely correct - my feed is filled with happy babies, delicious homemade food, and smiling partners. Of course I do the same thing. In the interest of full disclosure, here's the truth: I'm not okay.

My mind and mood has not been so great since Rohan's birth. While his birth was fantastic (really intense and very quick), the immediate postpartum period was not ideal. Due to the new job, my husband was only home for 1 week after birth and travelled for 2 weeks. Thankfully my mom and sister flew in to help. Of course I was thankful for their help and presence, but they weren't my husband. The adjustment was hard on everyone.

Just as we settled into a routine, our family packed up and moved to Austin for my husband's new job. We're currently in temporary housing, in a furnished apartment with very few of our things. Most days we stay home, because the thought of going out with an active preschooler and an infant overwhelm me. So here I am, at the end of my rope. Yelling and angry for most of the day, anxious and sullen for other parts.

I can only tell my husband so many times how I feel. He has been urging me to get help, I've been dragging my heels. Enough internalizing. Something has to change. I'm finally ready to make it happen.